The one time my memory fails me


Photographic proof: uncanny, eh?

Does anyone actually remember being pregnant?

I mean, I accept that I was – there is photographic evidence (and indeed a child) to prove it. I remember moaning about the heat, my feet, my back and heartburn, and I remember wearing bigger clothes for 6 months. I remember going down to the hospital for appointments, not drinking wine for 9 months, avoiding cheese and rare steak, sushi and uncooked eggs (although I do that as standard…raw eggs have never really appealed).

I remember going skiing when I was 13 weeks and getting a horrible bug along with the rest of the hotel, and after a few days of being poorly I noticed my tiny bump for the first time and *felt* pregnant after 3 months of really just feeling tired and sick.

I remember eating more ice cream than I care to recall, finishing work for maternity leave and facing the reality of becoming parents having just talked about it up until then. I remember the endless hours of cleaning and washing and general nesting before Bear arrived, and the umpteen laps of Roath Park lake followed by my bodyweight in pineapple in an attempt to get things moving.

I also remember getting beached in the bath, on a sun lounger and in the car seat of an Audi TT. But let’s not dwell on those.

And yet, despite all of this (and my usually brilliant memory), I don’t really remember myself as a pregnant woman. Very soon after giving birth I couldn’t connect this little baby with ever having been inside of me. Tomorrow, the first of my NCT group babies turn 1 (2 out of 8 share our future King’s birthday – what are the chances? Quite high I suppose, but pretty cool nonetheless).  A few of us have dug out photos of when we were heavily pregnant, and none of us can remember each other (or ourselves) pregnant.

I wonder what this memory loss thing is all about. It’s really handy sometimes; if we had a clear memory of pregnancy and early parenthood, then maybe more people would be put off doing it again! It’s also quite sad that I don’t clearly remember how much my body changed month by month – when you think how clever growing a baby is, I wish I could have etched every month (and every moan) to my memory.

I watched this video about a year ago and it terrified me. I watched it when Bear was with us, and I cried (shocker). Growing a baby is clever stuff – both before they’re here and after.

3 thoughts on “The one time my memory fails me

  1. I love your photo! I was pregnant with twins, and it was complicated and unpleasant. However I can’t really remember how ‘big’ and uncomfortable I felt. I was just so obsessed with them being OK that I just wished it all away! I might have been different if I’d only been having one baby but now I look back I am just quite glad mine was over and everything went well! (p.s. and my bump pics are utterly hilarious!!) x

  2. I can completely sympathise with this. I had a conversation only this week with t’other half on the same issue. I can recall the aches and pains, the ‘nine o’clock crazies’ when the wee man used to start his acrobatics each evening, yet I can’t remember what it actually *felt* like. And I find it genuinely hard to believe that the little fella we now love on the outside is the same being that was once on the inside!

  3. I have to say for me the highlight of your pregnancy was you planning how to prepare the pet fish for Bear’s arrival – what a picture that conjures up. Still makes me giggle a year on!

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